My Misbehavior Eucation II

Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...
Princess Bride

 I only thought my preparation for teaching in high school came through my oldest son. As I continue to raise my (several) children with each child's individual strengths and weaknesses, I realize that I am learning to love and interact relationally in as many different ways. I have a child who we, my husband and I, have tried to guide and for the last three years, she has blown by every road block we place in front of her. We remind her of our love for her and our experiences of cause and effect, and that we are not trying to rob her of a fun and fulfilling life, but are trying to protect her. She has graduated high school. She will attend a local college and will live at home. We had pretty much told her that we are taking our hands off her, for her to make her own choices. Our only stipulation was to be honest with us. We've been struggling with her in that over the last months.

Romans 7:23-25

New King James Version (NKJV)

²³ But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. ²⁴ O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? ²⁵ I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.

This Bible quote is me! I battle against my sin, too often giving in to it. Thoughts, feelings, and impulses sneak up on me and putting them to death requires diligence and faith.

Back to the story. It came to a head recently when the deceit involved a friend who is a tenth grader. I had an opportunity to interact with a child not my own, in the same way I have learned to interact with my own child: relationally. I am acquainted with her mom enough to know that she loves her, trains her, and disciplines her. I told the daughter as I took her home that the questions I was going to ask were probably offensive. Then, I asked her the questions I ask my own children:

Do you think your mom is stupid?
Do you think she wants to rob you of a fun and fulfilling life?
Does she love you?

I told her that:

• I didn't judge her, because I am just like her (see the quote from Romans and my commentary) , struggling with choices and making poor ones.
• Being a teenager is difficult, but that her biggest support is her mom.
• Her mom was trying to protect her from mistakes she had made and the consequences they were having to live with.

I talked way too much and should have worded the questions so they were not rhetorical, but invited discussion. I don't think she was feeling very talkative though. I don't know what impact this experience will have on her. We've been at it with my daughter for three years, so I know one experience will probably not change her life. I do think she has food for thought, and possibly a new perspective to consider.

What skills necessary for effectively managing student behavior does this demonstrate ? I think it demonstrates that I see misbehavior as an opportunity for learning. I think the lessons we learn from our experiences/mistakes make a deeper impact than many of our successes. And we ALL make mistakes. I ask questions to help kids analyze the situation. I want them to be aware of their thinking and what their actions say about themselves and what they communicate to others.