My misbehavior education

When I tell people that I am in graduate school to be a high school math teacher, often I get the response, "High school! Why?" The underlying question is, "Why would anyone choose to be cooped up with teenagers for hours every day, under legal obligations to have them learn math?" My response is always, "I was trained by a Marine."

Jordan, my oldest son, third child of seven, is now a Marine. Jordan has ADD, is confrontational, harsh, passionate, physical, extrinsically motivated, and really smart. These are all things that make him a good Marine. (He is also tender, loving, funny, and really smart.) In January of his 7th grade year, I started home-schooling him through high school. From his 8th grade year on I had 3 to 5 siblings home-schooling as well.

During those years, I learned several valuable lessons:

• Don't take attacks personally (even if it is intended personally)
• Separate the behavior from the child
• Building relationship is key
• A harsh word stirs up anger, but a gentle word turns away wrath
• Remind him of my love for him
• Remind him that what I am doing is for his benefit (not mine)
• Give him some autonomy
• Focus on positive feedback
• Consequences should be proportional and directly related to  misbehavior
• Don't threaten with consequences you're not willing to follow through
• Rome wasn't built in a day: change takes time and work
• The goal is not retribution, but change (=instruction)

How does this translate into how I am prepared to deal with misbehavior in the classroom?

I think I have realistic expectations of the classroom. I am familiar with misbehavior and the shock that comes with some of it. I don't "freak-out" quickly.  As an illustration, a friend of our family came up to me at a soccer game and said he had something for me. I held out my hand and he transferred a buzzing insect from his hand to mine. I accepted the "gift," and after an appropriate (dramatic) amount of time, I opened my hand and a carpenter bee flew away. He looked at me like, "What the heck?" And I responded, "Jordan's mom!" I've experienced some pretty extreme behavior and I know that it is a teaching opportunity, not a personal failure.

I am relational in dealing with misbehavior. My goal in dealing with students is to help them develop behaviors that will help them succeed and I tell them that. I describe the behavior that is not acceptable, why it is not acceptable, what is an acceptable/beneficial behavior, and why it is beneficial. Communicating my care for them and a desire for them to succeed is a natural part of this process. Often this requires me keeping my anger in check; I can hear myself begin with anger and negativity and have to make a conscious decision to separate the behavior and the child and remember my relationship with the child.

I understand the need to have a plan and a system. The plan has to be developed on facts and not feelings, it needs to be appropriate, and it needs to be instructional. I have had too many times where I blurted out some half-conceived threat to only think to myself, "Dang, I hope they don't do it, cause there is no way I'm going through with that." A natural loss of privilege that is tied to a lack of responsibility is what I look for in determining consequences. An example would be loss of group-work privileges (have to work individually) for persistently being off-task.